they say i better stop or i'll go blind

12:46PM - independence smells like dirrrrty laundry....really.

my immediate future is becomming clearer and clearer
while the status quo is kind of fuzzy and distant and superficial feeling
it's like i've got a two week purgatory period 

(purgatory in the sense that i feel the need to do absolutely nothing
and i feel.... really...nothing about it. i found myself watching pee-wee's playhouse
at 2 a.m. and nikki and nathan's one night
i couldn't even figure out what the hell was going on...
but maybe that's just the nature of the show
all i could do was think "how frightened must those kids be of paul reubens....seriously?")

before i can start life again
but i'm realllllly stoked about it.
[i don't even mind the stoicness of working at monical's- as much as i hate my job it makes time flyyyy]


the end.

8:42AM

i found an apartment yesterday
the deposit is paid
sign the lease with korielove on saturday
it's for a year soooooo
i'm not comming home next summer.
move in day = August 15

-alex

8:24PM

mmm i've been really busy lately so quick update
 1.work is fun, i like the people, my uniform is lame as shit, tearing up sausage for sausage pizzas is gross-a-loss!!!
 2.my cousins are in town bree's all grown up and GORGEOUS i might take her out with me this weekend
 3.movie script reading tomorrow=slightly nervous alex,
    especially if i am who quinn wants me to be,
    especially if who plays opposite me isn't rey-
    but i guess i will have to see who is cast.
 4.iiiii am more excited than ever to be moving out of my shithole of a house soon.
 5.zeppelin tribute band saturday night on the riverfront if i'm not in chitown, i'll be there.

8:36PM

summer appearal makes absolutely no sense,
i mean- it's so freaking hot outside that only the legal amount of clothing is necessary
but then people turn their homes into giant refridgerators
so when you get inside you need to put on more clothes or you're freezing 
and you can't stay inside/outside for THAT long without switching environments
making you have to change clothes every so often
it's madness i say, MADNESS!

i threw a temper tantrum today....

10:01PM

sometimes life's just too fucking exhausting for me and i want nothing more than to sleep the day.week.month.year. away and i have trouble moving at all but then i'm scared i'll miss something.

12:31PM

6:32PM

OOOOHHHHH
new summer goal
must be conquered.

6:05PM - thats like being the smartest kid with autism!!!

i've been super busy lately
uhh...where to begin?
uic tests/other shit it was easy
maddie. 'nuff said.
danielle got kicked out lastnight
i think things are resolved though
it's been a rough week already
but
i am making brownies for evan's
hopefully taking danielle with me
graduation is tomorrow
i don't really want to go but i'll be there
summercamp this weekend

AHHH
dude i really have no idea whats going on with summercamp
or if my camping plans are concrete- amandalady: call me!!! stat!

garretts comming in couple of weeks
and then a week later nate's mom
both of which i'm really excited about

brownies are done.

5:04PM

man...these boys are just silly. if only they knew.

8:12PM

i don't like the general public.

9:20AM

i was gonna stay here next year buuut i changed my mind, i'm gonna go to UIC nextyear, i think that that would be best for everyone.

5:37PM - she's not even alive, she's a skeleton-girl

a haiku:


bummed for tomorrow
excited for the weekend
worried 'bout my bones

Current mood: confused

9:23AM

"Everybody says they have been the reincarnation of Cleopatra or Alexander The Great. I always want to tell them they were probably some dumb fuck like everybody else. "

6:04AM

speech tournament in lincoln alllll day
i'll be home at 7 at the latest
call me or comment about tonight?
i'll wear my suit if you want
ahahaha
:( i don't wanna go...

4:33PM

maddie told me this morning that i look like a predator
me: "what is it the hair? i could wear it down instead.."
maddie: "no "
me: pondering *cuz i haven't gotten any action in awhile...? maybe thats it*
maddie: "it's your face you always look like a predator"

good to know...

6:59PM - we talked about boogers and other things in your nose...

so i had a completely bogus day
and i pretty much decided that the people i didn't hate for the day
i could count on one hand... and then i went to speech with matt
and mellowed out. and then home. and now i'm completely ecstatic
so fuck people with crazy hormonal moodswings which they direct at me
cuz i'm gonna go study and do good on my bio final cuz susu thinks i can
and i'm gonna push through till this weekend with my bethy and
the possiblity of a new boy that i dig
and all my loves that i am deprived of during the week.

and i have monday off
and my parents are gone for tonight
and maddie's a gag and she'll help me this week
you know how i am always her protector?
well sometimes she protects me too
i just don't like to admitt it mostly
cuz i'm the one who's supposed to save the world
but i love her alot.

Current mood: excited

Current music: rilo kiley

5:10PM - summertime if i was getting paid for getting drunk and getting laid i'd call you up and say...

sooo break was fun, school frusterating like usual
but i'm getting more used to and anxious for the idea that
i will be leaving next year so thats a little bit of a relief

        "i know i'm alone if i'm with or without you
                 but just being around you offers me another form of relief...."

                                                                                                                         hmmm....

i have to finish making stuff for tonight- i haven't been the the kitchen in a month
and well it will be nice to go for a change even if i really should stay home tonight
                           to do work buuut oh well, i'm over it!

so my dad joined this crazy puerto ricans of central illinois thing- wierd right? and there's this salsa dance on saturday and i'm going to go to humor him (he's been super cool lately and it could be....fun...right???)
but i'm gonna need some fun to make up for that after the dance---let me know whats going on this weekend.

Current mood: sleepy

Current music: dandy warhols

9:51PM

"...but we all feel it though, and i say all without exception, because those who do not feel do not count."

i know what i want
i know who i am
i know where i've been
i do not know what will happen
or where i will go for sure
but i am so ready to end this chapter and start the next one

these next few months will be something like purgatory

but i will make the best of it

11:52AM - you could say that im a SWINGER but im not the only ooone i hope someday you will join us...

everybody please do me a favor and don't let highschool and highschool relationships deface your image of love.love is a good thing.
you don't need to go looking for it right now, nobody does. we have or whole lives ahead of us for that. right now is for fun and expiramenting and studying and all that bullshit. find yourself, i don't care. just don't put too much emphasis on romantic relationships, please.

cuz soon you'll find yourself either far away from home, or at some random bradley frat house face down in your own pile of puke and wonder why your lovies aren't there to help you clean yourself up and take care of you like they do right at this moment. and it's cuz we're all gonna part ways soon and we won't be able to be there to have fun together always. so think about that instead of trying so hard to fall in love.

and also think about what from your life right now will have made an impact on you ten years from now? definately your education, hopefully some of your friends.

5:46PM - sicky sick sick

stayed home today from schoool
which acually kind of sucks cuz i had double coaching
with adam and wendy and i looove them!
and i can't go to open mic/harry potter at 12
so that sucks too but i'll just go tomorrow maybe.
and maybe i can get atleast wendy to coach me
i need help cuz malou KILLED my peice, it was 2+ min.s over.oops.
just gotta ressurect some of the good jokes she cut out tho
do some creative rearranging...

its sooo cooold i hate it! it snowed alot yesterday but it all melted. david's car door froze shut so that was super lame and a pain in the ass. he made me lunch today when he came home inbetween classes. i love him sometimes.

ughhh i'm missing my loves right now. laaaame!!
damn dude when did everyone become so high strung?
it seems like everybody EVERYBODY was alot more laid back lastyear
and if people aren't highstrung, then most of them are full of shit
(and they think i can't tell...but i can!! HA!)
thankfully there's break comming up
and i can do my EE and eat alot and see my loves all the time
and make chocolate covered pretzels with abbey for the latex nuns show
oh fuck. that will be iteresting, everyone there thinks
i literally want to hump some guy's face hahahaha ohh nooo!

welp...it's too cold in here so i'm gonna go bury myself in blankets again make some tea and pass the fuck out. i hope you kids have/had fun tonight, call me tomorrow mayhap i'll feel better.

Current mood: cold

Current music: united states of whatever- liam lynch